I don’t want to forgive people

Posted: July 24, 2015 in Uncategorized

“In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.”

(Psalm 143:12)

This was King David’s prayer request. ‘Kill my enemies.Make them pay for what they’ve done to me.’

Can I get an amen? How many of you feel like this on a daily basis? How many times have you wanted to cry out to God, “Kill my enemies, but slowly, so they suffer.”?

I wrestled with this all day yesterday and spent the night in the emergency room until 3:30 this morning with irregular heart palpitations caused by anxiety.

Flashback 24 hours ago

I purchased an SUV yesterday to replace my truck that had been totalled when someone ran a stop sign last month.

The young guy I bought it from is in the military and said he shared the same faith in God I did. We were both in the same fire department although at different times and his uncle has been my friend for 14 years.

He told me the motor and transmission had been rebuilt 8000 miles ago at a ford dealership. He told me lots of other great things about the SUV. I asked him if there was anything at all wrong with the car that he knew of. I said if there is please tell me and let me move on. He and his father looked me in the eye and said assured me nothing was wrong. I decided to buy it. I paid him and we went to the tag place to complete the title transfer. We laughed and joked together. We talked about my ministry and his little girl.

Twilight Zone

I returned to his house to put my new license plate on and drive home. The SUV travelled less than 2 miles from his house and the back wheel fell off. I immediately called him. No answer. To make a long stressful story that ended in a hospital visit, I will just tell you this, the engine needs to be replaced. The transmission is shot. There were no pads left on the brakes. The wheel bearing had disintegrated resulting in the wheel falling off. There is more to this horror story but I think you get the picture.

He knew all of this. He knew I would not make it home safely. He deceived me. His father deceived me. They used God to instill trust. And I wanted that same God to kill them both. I’m sorry but I need to be transparent. ‘Make them suffer God, slowly.’

Then I thought maybe God might take too long in dishing out some cold hard justice, so I spent the afternoon stuck on the side of the road devising a plethora of ways to get even. I got this one, God. I know you are busy running the whole world so let me handle this one for you.

I wondered how this one slipped by God. Wasn’t He looking in my direction while they were setting me up to lose my money? I reasoned with God. Hey I know you dropped the ball here so you can make it up to me by letting me get revenge. Just a little fire bomb to destroy the 5 cars parked in their driveway. You know something small. Just give me that God. You missed the opportunity to protect me so let me settle the score. You owe me that much at the very least.

Father forgive them

So as I mentioned earlier David prayed for God to kill his enemies. I like his style. Whack them God. Send some plagues or an Angel of Death or something cool like that.

But as the day wore on I started thinking about Jesus. I envisioned him being beaten and spit on. His beard being ripped out. Hanging on a rough wooden cross, not the smooth shiny kind we wear around our next. Abandoned by his closest friends.

His prayer…not like David’s. In fact, completely opposite. “Father forgive them.” Forgive them? Really? Are you kidding me? Don’t you see what they are doing to you? They deserve swift and severe retribution. You can’t let them get away with that!

“Father forgive them.” Jesus’ prayer was so different from David’s prayer. I want to pray David’s prayer so bad but who am I called to imitate? David or Jesus? Am I a follower of David. Am I considered a Davidian or am I a follower of Christ? A Christian?

Surrendered my rights

Rationally I believe I deserve justice. I want them to pay for what they did to me. I’m human, it’s how we are wired since the Fall in the Garden. But you see, 20 years ago I was rewired. I gave up my rights to hate and revenge. I am renewed in my thinking and how I respond to people who wrong me.

God softened my heart.

God was not looking the other way. He wanted me to practice what I preach. To truly love and forgive my enemies. He was pruning me. Shaping me into what he wants me to be. A creature in His image.

I learned that all this stuff I say I believe is just theory until I put it into practice. I need to walk rough roads so I can grow and lead others down the path of righteousness.

I read somewhere that hatred is a poison we drink hoping others will die. My anger and hatred landed me in the hospital. But the doctors can’t fix a heart problem that only God can. I repented and woke up lighter today. I am thankful for the lesson and do not take it lightly.

I hope and pray you can pray, “Father forgive them.”

Forgiveness sets a prisoner free

That prisoner is you

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Comments
  1. Arlene Focht says:

    That is a terrible thing that happened to you. I understand how you must have felt, but I REALLY admire you for forgiving. God really is in control of your life!!

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