I cannot love my son…

Posted: January 6, 2015 in Uncategorized

No matter how hard I try, I simply cannot love my son as much as God loves him. I can’t protect Christian from suffering. Yesterday my inability to protect him from the harsh pain of loss became a stark reality.

We had to put our beloved dog, Magic, to sleep yesterday. We put it off as long as we could but we knew it had gotten to the point, we were just being selfish. We were putting our emotional attachment and our fear of loss over what was best for Magic.

Magic was really Christian’s dog. Magic became a member of our family when Christian was only 3. Christian is 10 and so was Magic. Unfortunately 10 years old is at the high end of a Boxer’s lifespan. We always knew we would have to face the day when Magic would no longer be with us. Christian never even considered this day. As an innocent child, he believed Magic would live forever. He told us on more than one occasion about Magic being his best man someday at his wedding. As his parents, we knew that was never to be. We just could never bring ourselves to tell him. We always thought we’d deal with the subject someday. Someday was yesterday.

On Friday we scheduled the appointment with the vet for Monday afternoon at 3:30. We figured this would give us time to accept it and help Christian come to terms with this reality. It was a hard weekend to get through. We spent a lot of time just loving on Magic and reminiscing about all the wonderful times we shared with this amazing dog. My wife and Christian slept in the living room with Magic the entire weekend.

Sunday night my wife cooked Magic a steak dinner complete with baked potatoes and gravy. We video taped him eating and laughed and cried together. We gave him a lifetime of treats for dessert. Monday morning came all to quickly. We got Magic a double bacon and cheese A1 burger from Burger King for lunch. He then went to the beach for the first time in his life and sat on the sand next to his best friend, Christian. We took tons of pictures to memorialize the moment. My wife got a photo that is my favorite. Christian and Magic were sitting side by side facing the ocean and watching the waves come in and roll out. The sun was glistening on the water and silhouetted this dynamic duo. They stared out at the vastness of the ocean before them and it was like Magic knew they were sharing this last moment together.

We arrived at the vet and solemnly entered. Magic seemed nervous and at peace all at the same time. We were able to stay with Magic as the vet administered the drugs. I watched as my son wept over the loss of his best friend and I felt helpless. I could not fix this. I had no words to console him. No matter how much I love my son, I was helpless.

I wanted to give him inner peace and erase all traces of pain and sorrow. But in that moment I realized why it’s so important to make sure I connect my son to God at an early age and help foster a lifelong relationship. Only God can adequately provide everything my son needs emotionally and spiritually.

I love my son but I simply cannot love him as much as God does. That’s hard for me to comprehend, but it’s true and I find comfort in that. God can give my son the inner peace I cannot. God can comfort him in ways I cannot.

As hard as it was to watch my son agonize over the death of Magic, I know he is going to be okay. He will come through this more compassionate and have a greater appreciation for life. I know this because I know whose hands he is in.

And to Magic; Thank you for 8 wonderful years and thank you for making my son’s childhood so awesome and memorable. Good bye my dear friend. Enjoy your afternoons running through fields of lilies chasing butterflies. We will never forget you.

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Comments
  1. Sandy Quandt says:

    Rob, my heart aches for the sorrow of your family’s loss. I understand how difficult it is to lose a beloved pet who’s been family for so long. Please know my prayers for God’s peace and comfort are with each of you, but especially with Christian, as you mourn the loss of a dear companion. Who knows? Magic may have already met up with my seven dogs who have also been released of the pain and suffering of this world. They might all be exploring heaven together.

  2. regener8ted says:

    Thank you Sandy. I’m sure they are running through the green pastures together.

  3. Caleb Lang says:

    Rob, I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. I am reminded of the story you told at the Colorado Christian Writer’s Conference, Magic is a Christian and God used him so you could make a difference in someone’s life. I’m sure he’s running through the golden streets waiting to see you guys again. Take solace in the memories you have and each other. Your family is in my prayers during this tough time.

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